How To Be Idle by Tom Hodgkinson

 

Waking Up is Hard to Do

We should be free to lead our lives as we choose. A bit of 'time-wasting' isn't bad if it enhances our happiness. A little down-time can actually be very productive as it allows us to step back and examine what we are doing, and creative inspiration often comes subconsciously in background thought. Maximum productivity does not translate to maximum happiness.

Toil and Trouble

Self-employed independence is a much happier state than employment as a slave, and before the Industrial Revolution that is how most people worked. But in pursuit of enhanced productivity, society seeks to force all citizens into compliant productiveness, even if they are not made happier so. Religious and political doctrines have served to further this aim, and these days advertising keeps us trapped in materialistic status-seeking.

Sleeping In

Robert Louis Stevenson noted in 1885 that 'Idleness ... does not consist in doing nothing, but in doing a great deal not recognised in the dogmatic formularies of the ruling class.' John Keats declared that 'it is more noble to sit like Jove than to fly like Mercury'. Oscar Wilde lauded the 'life that has for its aim not doing but being, and not being merely, but becoming'. And yet idlers are often viewed by society as people with too much time to think, who could become revolutionaries.

Skiving for Pleasure and Profit

Skiving is a legitimate reclaim of one's free time for fulfilling pursuits not approved and dictated by society.

The Hangover

Hangovers needn't be viewed as an essential cost of hedonistic living, but as a period of enforced idleness after the fact which can actually be enjoyed if we take care to avoid trying to be unsuitably productive at such times.

The Death of Lunch

Lunch should be an enjoyable end in itself, not just a refuelling pit stop. Food should be savoured, not gobbled down as 'fast food'.

On being Ill

When we are ill, we are suddenly able to do exactly what we want to, without suffering any disapproval or guilt for doing so. Convalescence was in the past a lengthy time of healing; nowadays we pop a pill and rush back to work, which risks infecting others. We need to assign time for illnesses.

The Nap

Interspersing naps between periods of activity is healthy and natural. Even very industrious people recognise the value of the nap - Winston Churchill took one every afternoon and viewed it as helping him to accomplish more, and businessmen extol the value of 'power naps'.

Time for Tea

Drinking tea should be a leisurely affair, as an ideal accompaniment to philosophical meditation. Expedients such as tea-bags and drinks machines run contrary to the whole spirit of tea.

The Ramble

Walking should also be done at a leisurely pace, with mind immersed in contemplation, and eyes enjoying the feast of sights along the way rather than simply fixed upon the destination. Walking is then a voyage of discovery and an act of carefree roaming, which can imbue us with spiritual freedom.

First Drink of the Day

Alcohol relaxes and enlivens us, adding pleasure to the end of our day.

On Fishing

Fishing is an ideal activity for the natural idler, affording hours of quietly inspiring contemplation punctuated by occasional moments of exciting action. The water has a mesmerising effect, and catching a fish isn't what matters: the real purpose is to enjoy the time and concentrate on simply being. Life should be about doing what we want to rather than what we have to, and mastering it is a lifetime's study. But we all get there in the end, because death eventually brings total idleness.

Smoking

Ignorance is bliss, so the sixteenth century bore us anxiety alongside new awareness of the world. Fortunately it also brought us tobacco as antidote to stress, as much needed today as it has ever been.

The Idle Home

Planning negates our ability to go with the flow in life, and also brings a tendency to attempt to control other people's lives along with our own. Idlers prefer to keep their lives and living spaces simple, attuned to their own personal needs, and resisting the efforts of outsiders to persuade us to unnecessarily complicate or embellish them, or to impose their own meddling rules and principles upon them.

The Pub

The pub stands as a central pillar of the community, and a free place of gathering for the common man. Their popularity cannot be quenched, either by government attempts to limit them or by exclusive trendy bars seeking to displace them.

Riot

Strikes are the perfect tool for idlers seeking to assert their rights. But if their grievances remain ignored, the idler may eventually be forced into action, at which times a lot of latent energy may be suddenly and violently released in the form of riots. In past centuries such resistance has fought against monarchs and governments, but today's idlers battle consumer capitalism, seeking to be independent.

The Moon and the Stars

The mysterious majesty of the stars is an inspiration to idlers, who yearn to emulate their freedom and remote constancy.

Sex and Idleness

We should enjoy our sexuality free from guilt, whatever form it may take. Sexual activity should be a relaxed and languorous pleasure, as opposed to either being merely functional or a forced demonstration of lovemaking skills and athletic prowess. Ideally, the rules of relationship conduct could be a little more relaxed too.

The Art of Conversation

Conversation should be animated, open, engaging, and unrestricted in form and time available.

Party Time

Intoxicating drugs and music can melt away our cares and procure us a transcendental spiritual experience. We cannot spend our entire lives in such a trance, but we can endeavour to bring some of its sense of ease and freedom into our normal lives.

Meditation

Meditation provides an escape into a world of inner peace. There is no particular way in which it has to be done: simple daydreaming is enough, as is any relaxed chill-out after energy has been expended in joyful pursuits.

Sleep

Sleep has a similar effect, and is an essential requirement for us to be able to function well. Sleep is natural, and is important for creativity: Albert Einstein slept ten hours every night. Technology should focus on buying us increased time for sleep, rather than finding unnatural ways to overcome it.

On Holidays

Holidays are yet another way of escaping everyday life, and automated labour should allow us increased time off work. However it would be better if we could incorporate leisure time, fun and flexibility within our normal daily life, so that we could enjoy our entire lives, rather than enduring long drudgery which is periodically relieved by a few days to get away from it all.

A Waking Dream

In so doing, we can seek to weave our dreams into reality. Dreams reveal our true aspirations, as distinct from society-sponsored goals such as career and financial status. Our creativity comes alive in dreams, and falling in love is a state of immersion in them. The art of living is to bring dreams and reality together.

As A Man Thinketh by James Allen

Introduction

Not intended as an exhaustive treatise, but to motivate the reader to believe that, "They themselves are makers of themselves." by the thoughts they choose and encourage. A person's thoughts form an inner garment of character and an outer garment of circumstance.

Thought & Character

"As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he". The sum of a man's thoughts are his character. His character influences the conditions and circumstances of his life. Every action springs forth first from thought – even actions considered to be spontaneous and unpremeditated.
Act is the blossom of thought, and joy and suffering are its fruit.
The law of cause and effect exists in the world of thought, not just the natural world. A God-like character is the result of God-like thoughts. A bestial character is the result of groveling thoughts. Man is made or unmade by his own thoughts, which can destroy him or build him up. Man becomes master of his "household" of thoughts, by application, self-analysis and experience.
Gold and diamonds are found only by much searching and mining. Similarly, a man must dig deep in the mine of his soul to find every truth connected with his being.
A man must watch, control and alter his thoughts – tracing their effect on himself, others, and his life and circumstances. In doing so he will prove to himself that he is maker of his own character, life and destiny.

Effect of Thought on Circumstances

A man's mind may be likened to a garden – cultivated or uncultivated. The cultivated produces flowers & fruit, while the uncultivated produces weeds. A man must continually weed-out all wrong, useless, and impure thoughts and deliberately cultivate right, useful, and pure thoughts.
Thought and character are one, and character has a profound influence on the circumstances of one's life. If a man learns the spiritual lesson of his current circumstances they will give way to other circumstances.
As long as a man believes he is a creature of external conditions he will be buffeted by those conditions. When he practices self-control and self-purification of thought, and remedies his defects of character, he finds that his circumstances will change.
The soul attracts that which it secretly harbors -- its loves and fears. The soul reaches the height of its cherished aspirations and the depth of its unchastened desires. Every thought-seed allowed to take root in a man's mind will eventually produce the fruit of character and opportunity and circumstance.
Good thoughts bear good fruit, bad thoughts bad fruit.

Effects of Thoughts on Health & Body

The body is the servant of the mind. With unlawful thoughts the body sinks into disease and decay. with glad and beautiful thoughts it becomes clothed with youthfulness & beauty. Thoughts of fear can kill the body. Anxiety quickly demoralizes the whole body, opening it to disease, while impure thoughts will shatter the nervous system. Strong pure and happy thoughts build up the body in vigor and grace.
The habits of thoughts will produce their effects -- good or bad -- upon the body. Thought is the fount of action, life, and manifestation. Make the fountain' pure and all will be pure.
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind. If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. Thoughts of malice, envy, and disappointment, rob the body of its health and grace. A bright, happy, and serene countenance follows from thoughts of joy, goodwill and serenity. To continually live in thoughts of ill-will, cynicism, suspicion and envy, is to be confined in a self-made prison.
To think well of all, to be cheerful with all, to find the good in all -- such unselfish thoughts are the very portals of heaven.

Thought & Purpose

Until thought is linked with purpose there is no intelligent accomplishment. Aimlessness is a vice. They who have no central purpose in their life fall prey to worries, fears, troubles and self-pity, which lead to failure and loss.
A man should conceived of a legitimate purpose in his heart and set out to accomplish it. He should make this purpose the centralizing point of his thoughts.
He should make this purpose his supreme duty and should devote himself to its attainment, not allowing his thoughts to wander into fanciful imaginings. This is the royal road to self-control and true concentration of thought. He may repeatedly fail to accomplish this purpose, but will overcome weaknesses and grow in character -- a measure of true success and the staring point for future power and triumph.
Those who are not prepared for the apprehension brought on by having a great purpose, should instead fix their thoughts on the faultless performance of their duty, no matter how insignificant it may appear. This discipline will focus their thoughts and develop their resolution. Strength can be developed by effort and practice, even in the weakest soul. The physically weak can be made strong by patient training and the man of weak thoughts can make them strong by exercising himself in right thinking.
To think with purpose puts one in the ranks of those who know that failure is one of the pathways to success. A man should mentally mark out a straight path to achieving his purpose and rigorously exclude doubts and fears. The will to do springs from the knowledge that we can do. Doubt and fear are the great enemies of knowledge and must be slain.
He who has conquered doubt and fear has conquered failure. Thought allied fearlessly to purpose becomes a creative force.

"The Thought-Factor in Achievement"

All that a man achieves and all that he fails to achieve is the direct result of his own thoughts. A man's weakness and strength, purity and impurity, are his own and not another man's. They can only be altered by himself. His sufferings and his happiness are evolved from within.
As he thinks, so is he; as he continues to think, so he remains.
A strong man cannot help a weaker unless the weaker is willing to be helped. Even then the weak man must become strong of himself -- only he can alter himself. Oppressor and slaves are cooperators in ignorance and afflict themselves rather than each other. A perfect love condemns neither and a perfect compassion embraces both. He who has conquered weakness and has pushed away all selfish thoughts belongs neither to oppressor nor oppressed. He is free.
A man can only rise, conquer and achieve by lifting up his thoughts.
Before a man can achieve anything -- even worldly -- he must lift his thoughts above slavish animal indulgence. A man whose first thought is bestial indulgence could neither think clearly nor plan methodically. He could not find and develop resources and would fail in any undertaking. Not having begun to manfully control his thoughts, he is not in a position to control affairs and to adopt serious responsibilities. He is limited by the thoughts he chooses.
A man's worldly success will be by the measure that he sacrifices his confused animal thoughts and fixes his mind on the development of his plans and the strengthening of his resolution and self-reliance. The higher he lifts his thoughts, the greater will be his success. The universe only appears to favor the greedy, dishonest and vicious. Intellectual achievements are the result of thought consecrated to the search for knowledge or for the beautiful and true in nature. Intellectual achievement is sometimes connected to vanity and ambition, but are not the outcomes of these. Spiritual achievements are the consummation of holy aspirations. Achievement of any kind is the crown of effort, the diadem of thought.
By the aid of self-control, resolution, purity, righteousness, and well-directed thought a man ascends. By the aid of animality, indolence, impurity, corruption and confusion of thought man descends. A man who has risen to high success may descend into great wretchedness by allowing arrogant, selfish and corrupt thoughts to take possession of him. Victories attained by right thought are maintained by watchfulness. Many give way when success is assured, and rapidly fall back into failure.
All achievements -- business, intellectual, spiritual -- are the result of definitely directed thought. To achieve greatly one must sacrifice greatly.

Visions & Ideals

The dreamers are the saviors of the world. All the visible world is sustained by the invisible. He who cherishes a beautiful vision, a lofty ideal in his heart, will one day realize it. To desire is to obtain, to aspire is to achieve. Shall a man's basest desires receive the fullest measure of gratification, and his purest aspirations starve for lack of sustenance? Dream lofty dreams and as you dream, so shall you become.
Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be. The greatest achievements were at first and for a time a dream. The Oak sleeps in an acorn. Dreams are the seedlings of realities.
Uncongenial circumstances can be overcome by perceiving and striving toward and ideal. You cannot travel on the inside and remain still on the outside.
You will always gravitate toward that which you secretly love most. You will become as small as your controlling desire, or as great as your dominant aspiration. The thoughtless, ignorant and indolent speak of luck, fortune and chance. They do not see the trials, failures and struggles of men who achieve wealth, intellect or holiness. They have no knowledge of the sacrifices, efforts and exercised faith of the latter in overcoming the obstacles to their dreams. They do not know the darkness or the heartaches.
Gifts, powers, material, intellectual and spiritual possessions are the fruits of effort. They are thoughts completed, objectives accomplished, and visions realized. The vision that you glorify in your mind, the ideal that you enthrone in your heart, this you will build your life by; this you will become.

Serenity

Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom. It is the result of long and patient effort in self-control. A calm man, having learned how to govern himself, knows how to adapt himself to others. The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good. The strong, calm, man is always loved and revered. Only the wise man, only he whose thoughts are controlled and purified, makes the winds and storms of the soul obey him. To tempest-tossed souls: Self control is strength. Right thought is mastery. Calmness is power. Say unto your heart, "Peace. Be still."

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray

 

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, an enormously popular book by author John Gray, contains many suggestions for improving relationships between men and women through understanding the communication style and emotional needs of the opposite sex. As suggested by the title, the book asserts the notion that men and women are as different as beings from other planets, and that learning the code of conduct of the opposite sex is of essential value even if individuals do not necessarily conform to the stereotypical behaviour.

Chapter 1: Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

It is important to remember that men and women have reciprocally different natures. Men and women need to appreciate these differences, and cease expecting each other to act and feel the way they do.

 

Chapter 2: Mr Fix-It and the Home Improvement Committee

Men love to have their abilities recognised and appreciated, and hate to have them scorned or ignored; women love to have their feelings recognized and appreciated, and hate to have them scorned or ignored. Men don't rate feelings highly as in their view they can result in hotly impassioned, wildly unstable behaviour; women don't rate abilities highly as in their view they can result in coldly dispassionate, aggressively competitive behavior.

Men like to work on their own, and exercise their abilities by solving problems quickly and singlehandedly; women like to co-operate, and exercise their feelings through interactive communication with one another. Men value solutions, and view unsolicited assistance as undermining their effort to solve problems alone; women value assistance, and view unsolicited solutions as undermining their effort to proceed interactively. Men desire that their solutions will be appreciated; women desire that their assistance will be appreciated.

 

Chapter 3: Men Go to Their Caves and Women Talk

When faced with tough problems, men become non-communicative so they can work out how best to help themselves, while women become communicative so that others can work out how best to help them. Men like to demonstrate their abilities by being allowed to solve problems without interference; women like to demonstrate their feelings by being allowed to relate problems without interference.

When men do communicate, they like to get to the point, and generally only want to listen if they feel the conversation has a point; women enjoy talking for its own sake, and are happy to listen unconditionally.

 

Chapter 4: How to Motivate the Opposite Sex

A man's instinct is to look after himself, even if it means sacrificing others; a woman's instinct is to look after others, even if it means sacrificing herself. In a relationship, a man has to learn how to care for his partner rather than sacrificing her needs in favour of his own, and a woman has to learn how to be cared for by her partner rather than sacrificing her own needs in favour of his, so that the needs of both are met. If they do this successfully, both win, unlike their instinctive behaviours where one person gains from another’s loss. This has to be worked at, because if either partner feels their efforts towards the relationship are not being successful in pleasing their partner, they may feel hurt and decide to revert to their instinctive behaviour. Unfortunately this then causes the other partner to do the same, and the relationship unravels inexorably.

In a relationship, a man needs to feel that his attentions are needed, and a woman needs to feel that her needs are attended. To achieve this, a man has to express his desire to fulfil her needs and her worthiness to receive his care, and a woman has to express her desire for his care and his worthiness to fulfil her needs. Both must remember to appreciate, accept, and forgive the other, and avoid blaming them when they fail.

 

Chapter 5: Speaking Different Languages

Men talk in very literal terms for the purpose of relaying information; women employ artistic licence and dramatic vocabulary to fully express and relate their feelings.

Men like to sort their thoughts out before communicating them, and have the tendency to become distant and non-communicative as they ponder their concerns. At this time, a woman needs reassurance that her partner still rates her as worthy of being taken care of. Women like to sort their thoughts out in the process of communicating them, and have the tendency to pour forth a litany of general grievances as they relate their concerns. At this time, a man needs reassurance that his partner still rates him as worthy of taking care of things. Both must try to avoid feeling personally to blame when their partners are dealing with problems.

When a man is troubled, he does not want his partner to express concern for him, but loves to be told that the problem is easily within his abilities to rectify because of the implicit vote of confidence in his abilities. When a woman is troubled, she loves her partner to express concern for her, but does not want to be told that the problem is a simple one to solve because of the implicit dismissal of her concerns about the issue. A solution should be sought once her feelings have been fully listened to: too quick a solution justifies his abilities but devalues her concerns, too enduring a problem justifies her concerns but devalues his abilities.

Men feel validated and gratified when they are left to sort things out by themselves, and feel undermined by being offered sympathy or unsolicited assistance. Women feel validated and gratified by being offered sympathy or unsolicited assistance, and feel undermined when they are left to sort things out by themselves.

To accommodate their partners' responses, each should make small changes to their behaviors and communication towards the other, but without compromising their own true natures.

 

Chapter 6: Men Are Like Rubber Bands

Men periodically bolt for cover when they suddenly fear that their self-sufficiency is becoming threatened. At these times they may become utterly unapproachable, demanding the right to be left on their own and to be allowed not to express their feelings, but if given support by being afforded space for a little while, they will soon feel better and spring back into their usual loving selves once again. It can be hard for women to handle the suddenness and speed with which men bolt for cover, and then subsequently spring back.
At times when men retreat into themselves, they can assist their partners not to be overly concerned or take it personally by providing some brief reassurance that they will return in due course. Women should resist the temptation to try to drag their partners back prematurely or criticise them over this natural behaviour.

 

Chapter 7: Women Are Like Waves

Women periodically sink into a depression when they feel it is time for emotional cleansing and resolution. At these times they may become utterly negative in their outlook, dwelling on every problem which troubles them, including long-standing ones which will generally have been raised and addressed before, and if they cannot find any real issues to concentrate on, then they will find some random other things to worry about.

They suspend their normal giving natures, demanding the right to express their feelings and not to be left on their own, and if supported and allowed enough time to express and release their negative feelings, they will begin to feel happier again and return to their usual loving selves. The slowness in which they sink into depression and subsequently recover may be hard for men to handle.

At times when women sink into themselves, they can assist their partners not to be overly concerned or take it personally by providing some brief reassurance that it is not their partners’ fault. Men should resist the temptation to try to lift their partners back up prematurely or criticise them over this natural behaviour.
Men demand the right to be free from time to time; women demand the right to be heard from time to time. When a man feels free he finds it easier to support a woman’s need to be heard; when a woman feels heard she finds it easier to support a man’s need to be free.

If a man’s periodic need to be free coincides with a woman’s periodic need to be heard, the best solution is for the woman to make do with being heard by her friends instead.

 

Chapter 8: Discovering Our Different Emotional Needs

Men and women need to remember that the emotional needs of the opposite sex are not the same as their own. Providing our partners with the wrong type of emotional needs will not be greatly appreciated.

Deep inside every man is a knight in shining armour seeking a damsel in distress who will love him, and shower him with trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement. Deep inside every woman is a damsel in distress seeking a knight in shining armour who will love her, and shower her with caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance. Men must listen attentively to women to understand their needs, avoiding getting angry or defensive; women must have faith in men's abilities and best efforts to fulfill their needs, avoiding trying to change or control them.

 

Chapter 9: How To Avoid Arguments

Communication between relationship partners should be loving and respectful; verbal attacks by contrast are highly destructive. It is often not so much what is said that causes the damage, but the tone of voice and body language which accompanies it.

Arguments thrive on men failing to pay sufficient attention to women’s feelings, and women being critically disapproving of men. Either one may be the initial trigger, because a man’s inattentiveness can cause a woman to get upset and express disapproval, and a woman’s disapproval can cause a man to get defensive and stop listening to how she is feeling.

When men make mistakes they become frustrated and angry, and are best left alone until they calm down. Men consider apologies to be admissions of guilt; women view apologies as expressions of compassion. This difference of perception is why men are generally much less willing to apologise than women.
When engaged in an argument, men use strong and aggressive words to ensure that they win the argument, and women are frequently forced to back down in the face of a totally determined and implacable opponent. Men then feel that they have won the argument, but it is a hollow victory as their partners have not changed their views, but merely buried them in order to avoid an ever-escalating conflict. Sometimes people prefer to evade arguments instead of engaging in them. Men tend to do so by withdrawing inside themselves and refusing to talk; women often just pretend that the disagreement has been forgotten. The resultant peace is a cold one, because the issues continue festering unresolved.

To stop communication degenerating into arguments, men should strive to listen without getting defensive, and women should try to express their feelings without criticizing their partners.

 

Chapter 10: Scoring Points with the Opposite Sex

Men feel loved if their efforts at giving are appreciated; women feel loved according to what they receive. For women, loving someone means knowing and attending to their needs without waiting to be asked, and so a loved person should never have to ask for anything as their needs ought to be anticipated ahead of time. So women give unconditionally, and proactively seek ways to help others, whereas men only give when they feel that their efforts will be fairly appreciated and rewarded, and often will not know how or what to give without being specifically asked. Men often quickly suspend giving when feeling pleased about having done something; women may only suspend giving when feeling displeased with their partners for doing nothing.

Men value results; for women it’s the thought that counts. Consequently, men value big things much more than do women, who feel more appreciated by receiving lots of little gifts instead. A woman may consider a bunch of flowers to be just as good a proof of love as an entire month of hard work towards paying the bills.

If men and women do not take account of these different perspectives, they may fail to give their partners what they actually want. When this occurs, the man will frequently suspend giving as he feels he is not receiving enough reward back for what he has given, but the woman will continue to give unconditionally even though she feels she is giving more and has started to feel unloved, unappreciated and resentful.

Men should try to identify various little ways to give to their partners without waiting to be asked first, and should avoid the mistake of assuming their partners to be happy giving and not asking for anything back. Women should be careful not to give a false impression to their partners of being happy when they are not, and if they begin to feel resentful they should gently reduce their giving, learn to ask for things back, and be sure to keep expressing lots of appreciation of their partners’ efforts so as to encourage them to give more. Men should try to listen lovingly and respectfully to women’s feelings, women should try to express their feelings in a loving and respectful manner. If men give, and women appreciate, both end up feeling happy.

 

Chapter 11: How to Communicate Difficult Feelings

Unresolved negative feelings can cause us to act in ways we really don’t want to, or become manifest in all kinds of compulsive or addictive behaviors. Avoiding our negative feelings doesn’t make them go away, but compassionately embracing them can heal them and enable us to start loving again. By acting as loving parents to our own inner child, we finally allow our repressed feelings to be fully expressed and released.

To ease the pain and win love, men often obsessively seek success, and women obsessively seek perfection. Men may use anger, ego, or oblivion (such as burying themselves in their work) to avoid vulnerable feelings of pain or fear; women may lapse into depression or confusion to avoid having aggressive feelings of anger.

Constructive communication is a learned skill, and many of us must first unlearn the paradigm of negative communication and repression of feelings which we experienced during childhood. Communication works best if it presents the full picture, so that the root of the problem is revealed rather than just the symptoms.

Writing our feelings down is excellent for expressing our negative emotions (anger, pain, fear, and regret) in a controlled manner, rather than letting them explode at our partners in the heat of the moment. Having done so, we can get back in touch with our loving feelings, and are then in a much better state to explain to our partners what we are feeling, and what they can do to help us feel better. It is important to communicate such feelings in a loving atmosphere because we may need to feel securely loved while communicating such intimate and revealing feelings, and our partners may need the same if some of those feelings will be painful to hear, or could be taken personally. At times it is worth discussing them with friends or counselors first.

 

Chapter 12: How to Ask for Support and Get It

Men love to do things which are appreciated, and hate to do things which are demanded. Criticising him or giving excessive instructions will make him feel more like a slave than a loved and trusted partner.

Men love to prove their worth through the things they do, but they generally wait to be asked, and take a long time to learn to offer their services unsolicited. Women should therefore control their expectations of men being able to anticipate their needs, ask for help without making it sound like a demand because they resent the need to do so, and appreciate the help they receive even though it needed to be requested first.

Women should avoid requesting help from a man in a way which either doesn’t sound like a clear request, or carries implicit criticism that he should have already done it. Questions which begin with the words ‘Could you’ or ‘Can you’ are often interpreted by men as questioning their abilities, and they therefore respond more positively to the same questions if they begin instead with ‘Would you’ or ‘Will you’. The difference may seem tiny, but it can feel as different as the man saying ‘No I can’t’ or ‘No I won’t’ in response to the request.

It is best to allow a man the freedom to do things in a way and at a time that works for him. If a man is busy doing something and a woman needs his help on something else, she should feel free to ask him for help, but be prepared for him to request to defer it or even to refuse it; if requests always require positive answers, they are really demands, and men will sense the difference. If a man grumbles about a request then he is actually considering it, and the best approach is to simply wait for him to come to a decision without saying anything further, and aim to accept the outcome graciously.

 

Chapter 13: Keeping the Magic of Love Alive

In relationships, unresolved negative feelings can pop up without warning, and we suddenly become upset, or sensitive, or distant. When this happens to our partners we should encourage them to work through it, accepting that it may take some time and that they may need support from outside as well as from ourselves, and do our best to control any impatience or resentments we may feel towards them during these times.

Love inevitably changes over time: the pristine bliss we feel when we first fall in love doesn’t last forever, and over time our personal faults and negative baggage inevitably become exposed. But if we stick tight through the ups and downs of life and each other, then our initial bliss gradually changes into a mature form of love which can become stronger and fuller with every passing year.

The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

 

I've decided to add book review of inspirational pieces of work.

THE COMING OF THE SHIP

The Prophet Almustafa answers questions from the people of Orphalese before taking his leave.

ON LOVE

Yield yourself fully to love, to both its highs and its lows, for it is the divine all-encompassing power that leads you to your fullness.

ON MARRIAGE

Hold your individual notes unwaveringly, in harmony with those you love.

ON CHILDREN

Children are the continuation of life and should be freely and lovingly allowed to grow into their own individuality.

ON GIVING

Give and receive freely all the bounties of life.

ON EATING AND DRINKING

Rejoice in the growing and culling of living things, as they are both essential to the ongoing nourishment of Life.

ON WORK

Love your work, proud of your part in the advancement of the world's destiny.

ON JOY AND SORROW

Joy and sorrow are two sides of the same coin: that which brings joy or sorrow by its presence brings the reverse in its absence. The more you have of one, the more capacity you have for the other.

ON HOUSES

Seek peace amid nature's boundless beauty, free of the material trappings which captivate you.

ON CLOTHES

Be close and at one with Nature, unabashed and proud of your own physical nature.

ON BUYING AND SELLING

Let each man bring one of Nature's gifts to the marketplace, and all shall be satisfied.

ON CRIME AND PUNISHMENT

All of us are capable of misdeeds , and all actions have cause. True justice befalls the spirit, rendering irrelevant man's own attempted judgments.

ON LAWS

Laws are for fear of the shadows cast by every light. But no law can constrain a man's true spirit.

ON FREEDOM

Freedom comes not from waging battles against all the world's troubles, but from ceasing to be troubled by them.

ON REASON AND PASSION

Cherish both the passion of your heart and the reason of your mind, so that you may be both driven and guided in pursuit of your dreams.

ON PAIN

Pain is for us a necessary partner to Pleasure, and no less a guide.

ON SELF-KNOWLEDGE

Infinite wisdom of the soul lies within us all, ripe for the unfolding.

ON TEACHING

Teachers do not impart wisdom, but lovingly lead others to their own understanding.

ON FRIENDSHIP

Friendship sustains the spirit, affording openness of heart and mind, deepening of the spirit, and companionship in all of life's experiences.

ON TALKING

Talk is often idle chat, and there is much which cannot be conveyed through words alone. But speech imbued with spirit retains its impression even after the words used have been forgotten.

ON TIME

Time, like the soul's universal love, is boundless and eternal. Everything in the present is inextricably linked to everything past and future.

ON GOOD AND EVIL

We are all good in our own measure. Do not construe as evil those less blessed than us.

ON PRAYER

In prayer we commune with the Universe. We should pray not for our needs which are already known and necessary to it, but in ecstatic meditation of our place in the Universe's greater frame.

ON PLEASURE

Reap joyously and unashamedly the Pleasure of fulfilling your Purpose.

ON BEAUTY

Beauty is everywhere and in everything, if we but look.

ON RELIGION

May your daily life be your religion, as the divine is all about you and in everything you do.

ON DEATH

Fear not Death, for it is your culmination to return to the melting-pot of Life.

THE FAREWELL

You are far greater than you know, and all is well.

Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki

The book is the story of a person (the narrator and author) who has two fathers: the first was his biological father – the poor dad - and the other was the father of his childhood best friend, Mike – the rich dad. Both fathers taught the author how to achieve success but with very disparate approaches. It became evident to the author which father's approach made more financial sense. Throughout the book, the author compares both fathers – their principles, ideas, financial practices, and degree of dynamism and how his real father, the poor and struggling but highly educated man, paled against his rich dad in terms of asset building and business acumen.

The author compares his poor dad to those people who are perpetually scampering in the Rat Race, helplessly trapped in a vicious cycle of needing more but never able to satisfy their dreams for wealth because of one glaring lack: financial literacy. They spend so much time in school learning about the problems of the world, but have not acquired any valuable lessons about money, simply because it is never taught in school. His rich dad, by contrast, represents the independently wealthy core of society who deliberately takes advantage of the power of corporations and their personal knowledge of tax and accounting (or that of their financial advisers) which they manipulate to their advantage.

The book’s theme reduces to two fundamental concepts: a can-do attitude and fearless entrepreneurship. The author highlights these two concepts by providing multiple examples for each and focusing on the need for financial literacy, how the power of corporations contribute to making the wealthy even wealthier, minding your own business, overcoming obstacles by not fostering laziness, fear, cynicism and other negative attitudes, and recognizing the characteristics of humans and how their preconceived notions and upbringing hamper their financial freedom goals.
The author presents six major lessons which he discusses throughout the book:

• The rich don’t work for money
• The importance of financial literacy
• Minding Your own business
• Taxes and corporations
• The rich invent money
• The need to work to learn and not to work for money

Character Summaries

Rich Dad, Poor Dad revolves around three main characters: poor dad, rich dad (Kiyosaki’s second father) and the son (the author himself as narrator of the book). The essence of each character is:

• Poor dad – educated but lacking the street smarts
• Rich dad – very little education (eighth grade), tons of street smarts
• Kiyosaki – the spectator who learns lessons from both but internalizes only rich dad’s traits

Poor Dad

The author compares his poor dad to the millions of fathers who encourage their sons to do well in school so they could get a good job with a good company. Poor dad believed in the traditional principles of working hard, saving money, and not buying material things that one cannot afford. He believed that having a good job with a solid company is what one should aspire for; hence he expresses disappointment when his son leaves the employ of a large, reputable corporation.
Poor dad looks to education as the passport to success. He held a doctorate degree, went to Ivy League universities, but was always struggling financially. He believed he would never be a rich man and the author points out that this became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Poor dad was more interested in a good education than the subject of money. The author wrote that his poor dad would always say things like, “I’m not interested in money” or “money doesn’t matter.”
The author points out that poor dad was preoccupied with things like job tenure and security, Social Security, vacation and sick leaves, company insurance and salary raises and promotions. The author felt that his poor dad was more interested in these factors rather than on the job itself. This is what the author calls being trapped in the Rat Race. His poor dad worked hard incessantly but somehow never made it ahead financially. Poor dad’s approach to the subject of money was based on working hard to have enough money to pay the bills (in contrast to rich dad’s approach to make one’s money work for him).

Rich Dad

The author wrote that it was when he was nine years old that he started realizing that his rich dad made much more sense than his poor dad. It was from rich dad that the author learned not to say, “I can’t afford it”, but instead to ask, “how can I afford it?” He explains this principle by relating an incident when he and his best friend Mike went to work for Mike’s father. Rich dad paid them very low wages deliberately so that would stir anger and a sense of injustice in them and eventually for them to realize that in order to get ahead, one must work for himself and not for others. For example, in that part of the book when the author complains to rich dad that he can hardly afford to buy anything with the wages he is paid, rich dad tells him that he shouldn’t dwell on the fact that his wages are low, but instead ask “how can I make more money” because this stimulates the brain to take action. His rich dad says that when someone says, “I can’t afford it”, his brain stops working. It therefore kills initiative and promotes passivity.
The author adds that while his poor dad invested time and effort in education, he did not have any knowledge on investing. His rich dad, by contrast, was very skilled in the investment game because that’s all he did. The attitude of his rich dad about money was manifested in the saying “the lack of money is the root of all evil” (his poor dad, on the other hand, believed that the love of money is the root of all evil).
According to the author, rich dad also nurtured the idea that taxes punished producers and rewarded the non-producers. He was the type who encouraged money talk at the dinner table and was portrayed by the author as someone who learned to manage risk, instead of not taking risks.

The Son (Robert T. Kiyosaki)

The author begins his book, Rich Dad, Poor Dad, by saying that he is fortunate in having had two fathers. He learned valuable lessons from both of them, but in Chapter One it becomes evident which father had the more sensible approach towards money. He compares and contrasts both fathers’ views about working hard, getting an education, saving and investing and realizing how habits of the rich and poor significantly differ. He attributes his financial acumen through the many conversations he carried out with his rich dad.
The author takes a common sense approach to the subject of money and emphasizes the need for accounting knowledge so that the reader clearly understands what assets and liabilities are. He makes simple diagrams that show the inflow and outflow of money and how the rich build up the asset column and the poor build up the liability column (expenses). It is obvious that the author places much importance on accounting knowledge – no matter how boring it is - because he says it is “the most important subject in your life.”
By using numerous examples and anecdotes, the author drives home his messages effectively, revealing his pro-capitalist stance.
The author also shows his understanding of the mechanisms employed by the government and the tax man and concludes that it is the middle class that actually pay for the poor. The rich are the ones who are hardly taxed because they have the knowledge to use tax legislation to their advantage.

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1: Rich Dad, Poor Dad

The story of Robert Kiyosaki and Mike starts in 1956 Hawaii, when both boys were a nine years old. Their first get-rich scheme was a counterfeit nickel making company. They made plaster molds of the nickels and melted lead toothpaste tubes and filled the molds to produce the nickels. Their plan was foiled by Mike's father, who informed the boys of their illegal activity. After that day, the boys dedicated their free time to leaning about finance and economics from Mike’s father, the rich dad. The first lesson Mike’s dad made the boys experience was hatred of the “Rat Race”. He was able to achieve this by making the boys work in one of his grocery stores for three hours for ten cents an hour pay. Within a few weeks, Kiyosaki, tired of being exploited for labor, demanded that he receive a raise, but instead, Mike’s father cut his pay and told him to work for free. Eventually, both boys tired of being under appreciated (and unpaid) and they met individually with Mike's father. In their meetings with rich dad, he apologized for lack of pay and he offered them either the moral of the lesson or a pay raise. Both boys chose to learn the moral of the lesson, while rich dad offered them pay raises. He started at twenty-five cents, a dollar, two dollars, and even five dollars, which would have been considered a large amount of money for an hourly wage, but the boys still remained strong with their decision to learn the moral of the lesson. The lesson to get out of the “Rat Race” and instead of spending your whole life working to put a little money in your pocket and a bunch of money in someone else’s pocket, have people work hard to put money in your pocket. Out of all the lessons that were taught to the boys, this one was the most important. (Kiyosaki and Lechter 28-35)

Chapter 2: The Rich Don’t Work for Money

The author tells his readers to forget the notion that life teaches. He says “the only thing that life does is push you around.”
This chapter talks about people who are more comfortable in playing it safe because they were not taught early to take risks. The author develops the ideas that the poor and the middle class work for money, fear and greed cause ignorance and poverty, and the importance of using one’s emotions versus thinking with emotions. The author also stresses that opportunities in life come and go; the rich recognize them instantly and turn them into gold bullions. Others do not see these opportunities because they’re too busy seeking money and security. As the author says, well “that’s all they’re going to get.”

Chapter 3: Why Teach Financial Literacy

The story of Kiyosaki and Mike continues later in life, 1990, and both of the now adults have made incredible leaps and bounds with regards to their finances and their socioeconomic status. Mike was able to take the lesson from his father and apply them to his life. He took control of his father’s large business and increased every aspect of the empire and he is currently raising his son to take control of the company once he retires. As for Kiyosaki, he was able to retire at the age of 47 with his wife Kim. At a business meeting at the Edgewater Beach Hotel in Chicago, Charles Schwab, Samuel Insull, Howard Hopson, Ivar Kreuger, Leon Frazier, Richard Whitney, Arthur Cotton, Jesse Livermore and Albert Fall met to talk about different investments and money schemes. Twenty-five years later, a report stated that a large majority of those extremely wealthy people that met in Chicago either ended up in jail, dead or penniless. The major idea to take from the results of these unfortunate entrepreneurs is that you need financial literacy to be and stay safe. The idea that was represented with the big 1920’s entrepreneurs is still prevalent today with some of the professional athletes making poor financial decisions and ending up with next to nothing. This specific lesson is meant to teach people not to be wise with your money once you have it, but rather be smart with your money before you have it. In a way, don’t try to build a skyscraper or even a house without building a strong foundation first. According to Kiyosaki, there is one rule, and only rule that can help a person to build a strong foundation; know the difference between an asset and a liability, and make sure that you only control assets. (Kiyosaki and Lechter 56)
When it comes to beliefs about money buying freedom and the ability to enjoy retirement without fear of outliving one’s money, this chapter catches the essence of the author’s advocacy for financial independence. He says, “Intelligence solves problems and produces money. Money without financial intelligence is money soon gone.”
The author believes that financial literacy begins with a working knowledge of accounting. It is essential to know the difference between assets and liabilities. To make these two terms understandable to readers, the author makes a rudimentary diagram of these two concepts to motivate them to purchase assets in order to solidify the asset column, while keeping the liabilities (expenses) to a bare minimum. The author states that poor people remain poor because they do the opposite. They pile up on their liabilities and have zero assets so that their balance sheets and income statements look out of kilter. People have to understand that it’s not how much they make, but how much they keep according to the author, and this is an essential principle that this chapter focuses on.

Chapter 4: Mind Your Own Business

In this chapter, the author slowly introduces the concept of real estate investing and uses McDonald’s as an example. He points out that McDonald’s may not make the best hamburgers in the world, but owns the “most valuable intersections and streets in America.” The author remarks that individuals need to mind their own business if they wish to become financially self-sufficient. They shouldn’t mind their employer’s business, they should strive for ways to become their own boss and nurture their own businesses.
The author continues his discussion on building assets. To him, real assets are anything with value – stocks, bonds, mutual funds, income-producing real estate, notes, royalties from intellectual property, etc.
This chapter also reveals the author’s investment preferences: real estate and stocks. For real estate, he says he starts small, and trades his properties for bigger ones and then delays paying taxes on capital gains through one IRS mechanism.

Chapter 5: The History of Taxes and the Power of Corporations

The author states that the poor let the big machinery (corporations) manipulate them whereas the rich know how to use big machinery. This means that the rich possess the knowledge and savoir faire to use the power of the corporation to protect and enhance their assets. The advantage of a corporation versus that of the individual lies in how corporations pay taxes, according to the author. He makes this point clearly: individuals earn money, pay taxes on that money, and live with what’s left. The corporation, on the other hand, earns money, spends everything it can, and is taxed on anything that’s left. The author adds that individuals may not be aware of how much they’re being manipulated; they work from January to mid-May to enrich the government by paying taxes on their income. In the meantime, the rich are hardly taxed.
The author recommends developing one’s financial IQ as one way of leaving the humdrum of daily existence. This is accomplished by gaining knowledge of accounting, investing, understanding the markets, and the law. He says being ignorant gets you bullied whereas being informed translates into “you have a fighting chance.”

Chapter 6: The Rich Invent Money

The author develops the concept of self-doubt. He says that each person is born with talent but that talent is suppressed because of self-doubt and fear. He remarks that it’s not necessarily the educated smart people who get ahead but the bold and adventurous. People never get ahead financially even if they have plenty of money because they have opportunities that they fail to tap, he stresses. Most of them just sit around waiting for opportunity to happen. The author’s idea is that people create luck; they should not wait around for it. He says it’s the same with money. It has to be created.
In this chapter, the author discusses the importance of an education (although some critics say that he appears to downplay its importance). The author is clear by saying, “a trained mind is a rich mind.” In his analysis, there are two types of investors, each with a different mind set: those who go for the packaged investment, and those who customize investments to suit their objectives.
The author encourages people to hire people more intelligent than they because by capitalizing on the knowledge of others, an intelligent individual builds his own knowledge base and therefore has more power over those who don’t know.

Chapter 7: Work to Learn, Don’t Work for Money

This is the chapter where the author talks about the skills individuals need to develop for financial success.
The reader is given an example of a young woman who had a Master’s Degree in English Literature and who was offended when it was suggested that she learn to sell and do direct marketing. After all the hard work for her degree, she didn’t think she would have to stoop so low to learn how to be a salesperson, a profession she didn’t think very highly of. The author uses this example to emphasize that there are other skills people need to cultivate to help them on the road towards financial freedom.
The author mentions management skills. He says individuals need to know how to manage cash flow, systems, and people. To that he throws in selling and marketing skills. He puts equal emphasis on communication skills. He says there are many people who have the scientific bent and hence have a powerhouse of knowledge, but they fail miserably in communications. These are the people who are “one skill away from great wealth.”
The author calls attention to one outstanding trait of great wealthy families: they give money away – plenty of it – unlike the poor who feel that charity begins at home.

Chapter 8: Overcoming Obstacles

The opinion of the author is that five personality traits hamper human beings: fear, cynicism, laziness, bad habits, arrogance. He explains that while it’s normal to have fear, what matters is how one handles it. The author shares his sentiment about his particular fondness for Texas and Texans: “When they win, they win big and when they lose, it’s spectacular.”
The author maintains that it’s not merely a question of balance but also FOCUS. He recommends that the Chicken Littles of the world be ignored. They’re only concerned about the sky falling, spending the rest of their lives in pessimism. He says he constantly hears people saying they want to be rich, but when it’s suggested that money can be made from real estate, their initial reaction is “but I don’t want to fix toilets.” The author believes it’s ironic that they’re more concerned about trivia like fixing toilets rather than what lies ahead in real estate. As a final point, the author states that it is healthy to be greedy, so when faced with a decision, a person must always ask, “What’s in it for me?”

Chapter 9: Getting Started

This chapter serves as a section on tips to create and build personal wealth. His first tip is, find a reason greater than reality to motivate you. What he means by this is to wake up the financial genius in oneself by empowering the mind. He says that people must have a strong /purpose for living.
The next tip is to feed the mind. By feeding the mind, the author contends that people acquire power of choice.
The author also advises people to choose friends carefully. He says to avoid people who proclaim incessantly that the sky is falling and instead encourages readers to spend time with people who enjoy talking about money because they may have valuable lessons to share. The author also believes that people should study one field, and then go out and learn a new one, although it is important to choose what one studies.
Here is another tip that the author observes most people don’t practice: pay yourself first. Even if short of cash, people must pay themselves first. This goes in tandem with managing three things efficiently: cash flow, people and personal time.
Another tip the author gives is being generous. He thinks it makes a lot of sense to pay one’s broker well as he’s an ally, and “your eyes and ears to the market.”
The author suggests having heroes. They are indispensable in life because they not only inspire, they also make it seem so easy. They stimulate the human mind into thinking, “If they can do it, why can’t I?”
“Teach and you shall receive” is another tip that the author shares. His words are eloquent concerning this idea: “There are powers in this world that are much smarter than we are. You can get there on your own, but it’s easier with the help of the powers that be. All you need to be is generous with what you have, and the powers will be generous with you.”

Chapter 10: Still Want More? Here are Some To Do’s

This chapter is sort of a supplement to the previous chapter. It gives readers additional tips to help them reach for financial rewards. One tip is to stop doing what you’re doing – that is, if it’s no longer working or viable. The author encourages readers to look for new ideas, to pick the brains of individuals who have the experience and who have already done what one aspires to do. He advises on keeping the learning curve alive, taking courses, buying tapes, attending seminars.
In looking for real estate investment opportunities, the author recommends looking in the right places. One way of doing this is to jog around the neighborhood one is interested in. People can acquire real estate even if they don’t have sufficient funds for the down payment. In fact, with a bit of cleverness, the author says people can even make money with no capital.

Themes in Rich Dad, Poor Dad

One theme that’s apparent in this book is that for an individual to be wealthy, he must aim to own the system or means of production, rather than work for another individual. The author stresses that there is obviously something confining about being an employee; it shuts the mind to other possibilities and it stunts initiative.
Financial intelligence is THE most powerful asset. By studying the precepts of accounting and investing, the author believes that individuals will be able to see the difference between an asset and a liability; in fact it is the more concrete application of learning what’s right and what’s wrong. Generating a string of expenses is wrong, building assets is right.
Unlike individuals who earn and then pay taxes on what they earn, corporations earn, spend what they want to spend, and pay taxes on what’s left. Corporations, therefore, hold a certain degree of power. The rich know how to use this power, the poor don’t.
The author also believes that true luxuries are experienced when they are the outward manifestations of intelligent investing and asset building. He cites the example of his wife purchasing a Mercedes Benz because it was the car she liked and worked hard to be able to purchase it. The author cautions however about keeping up with the Joneses and getting into debt because of this human frailty.
Fear, laziness, cynicism and arrogance are to be blamed for most of human inaction.