Loving A Highly Sensitive Person

 

We have discussed the highly sensitive person many times before, but if this is your first time hearing the term, here is a quick summary for you.

Before the 1990s, heightened sensitivity in humans was not widely talked about, but in 1991, a psychologist named Dr. Elaine Aron began to study this trait more closely. Surprisingly, she discovered that 15-20% of the population carries the trait that classifies them as highly sensitive, which means they respond to external stimuli more noticeably than non-HSP’s. They simply have a different way of processing sensory information due to parts of their brain that regulate emotions being more responsive than the brains of their less sensitive counterparts.

Before you start a relationship with a highly sensitive person, here are some pointers to keep in mind about how to love and care for the empath in your life.


11 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LOVING A HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON

1. A highly sensitive person feels everything more deeply.

Highly sensitive people don’t know how to feel in any other way than right down to their soul – they get hurt easily, and wear their hearts on their sleeves. Everything seems intense for the highly sensitive souls among us, so if you get in a relationship with an empath, remember to pay attention to and honor their feelings. If you disregard them, you can be sure that this will make your sweetheart run in the opposite direction of your love.

 

2. A highly sensitive person needs lots of time to recharge in solitude.

Highly sensitive people are usually introverts, so that means they derive their energy from within themselves, not from external sources. They tend to avoid big crowds of people because it seems overwhelming and nerve-racking to them. HSP’s enjoy doing quiet activities, such as hiking in nature, drawing, writing, painting, or anything that allows them to express their creativity.
They easily pick up on other’s emotions and auras, meaning that their own energy can become drained or frazzled when bombarded with stimuli coming in from all directions. Solitude gives them a chance to align themselves once again and clear their energy of any negativity they may have picked up from others.

 

 3. A highly sensitive person is highly intuitive to your emotions.

A sensitive person can automatically sense how you feel without you having to say a word. Loving a highly sensitive person means that your feelings will always be on display, because they can pick up on energy very easily. You can’t hide anything from an empath, so if you get in a relationship with one, make sure you feel comfortable with keeping your emotions in the spotlight at all times.

 

4. A highly sensitive person doesn’t treat sex as just a game.

In order for an HSP to become interested in intimacy with a partner, he or she must feel completely comfortable with the person on a deep spiritual level. They might identify with the term sapiosexual, which means they find human intelligence to be the most attractive feature about a person.
They won’t consent to sex unless they feel a soul connection to another person. Sex is not taken lightly or seen as a game by highly sensitive people.

 

5. A highly sensitive person’s brain runs on overdrive, making them more prone to insomnia.

Their minds work on overdrive most of the day, so turning the lights out and laying their head down doesn’t do much good for a brain that doesn’t want to sleep. They might lie awake some nights just tossing and turning, contemplating life and all its mysteries.
Highly sensitive people often suffer from insomnia due to their overactive minds, and might sleep at odd hours of the day to make up for it. Most people know them as a night owl, because they seem to come alive at night.

 

6. A highly sensitive person can easily get overwhelmed in loud, crowded environments.

You will likely meet them in a quiet coffee shop or book store rather than at a bar or mall. They like places where they can hear their own thoughts and process stimuli slowly, which makes busy, loud establishments an infrequent stop for highly sensitive people.
If you date an empath, you’ll have to understand their desire to spend ample time in nature or at least in a quieter setting than most places today provide.

 

7. A highly sensitive person can’t change their disposition.

Oftentimes, sensitive people are misunderstood because others think they just want attention, but high sensitivity is actually an inborn trait. They can’t help the fact that their brains are wired differently than others, but this makes them feel like an outcast much of the time, unfortunately.
If you date a highly sensitive person, don’t try to change them. Just love them for what they are, and try to understand and support them as best you can. They can seem more difficult to be in a relationship with, but their ability to love so deeply makes it totally worth it.

 

8. A highly sensitive person doesn’t like to get in fights.

Because they feel emotions so deeply, they don’t like to get into heated debates or arguments with people. They’d rather walk away from a confrontation, or at least talk things out rationally. Be patient if you need to talk things out with an empath – they will need to collect their thoughts first before engaging in a debate with you.

 

9. A highly sensitive person often feels misunderstood.

These types of people have been mislabeled and judged their whole lives for “being too sensitive.” If you do get into a relationship with one, don’t ever make them feel bad for their innate characteristics. Love them as they are, because they bring important gifts to the world, and they really are beautiful souls that should be cherished.

 

10. Highly sensitive people make the most loyal partners.

A highly sensitive person will never hurt you intentionally; they will give you their all in a relationship, and make you feel more adored and loved than you’ve ever felt before.

 

11. A highly sensitive person can offer great conversation.

They might seem quiet at first, but they have so much to say after they feel comfortable with you. They enjoy deep, meaningful conversations, so a relationship with them will never get boring because they always have a unique perspective to offer about the world around them, and the worlds within them, too.

Signs You’re In A Relationship Worth Keeping

 

by Mark DeNicola

Relationships are a beautiful part of life. Whether they are romantic or just friendly, connecting with another human being is undoubtedly one of the best experiences that life has to offer. Within relationships, as is the case with so many other things in life, change is inevitable. I doubt that there are very many of us, if any, that have maintained the exact same partner and/or core group of friends throughout the vast majority of our lives.

Despite the seemingly natural turnover, what is it about certain relationships that makes them outlast many others? I’ve come up with 8 signs that I think are a great signal that a particular relationship is worth keeping, but be sure to pay attention to the last one I mention, since it alone can override all of the other points, and in my opinion it’s the most important.

1. You Are Truly Yourself

There are many people that find a lot of value in the idea of compromise, but when it comes to giving up elements of yourself to please or maintain a relationship I personally don’t feel that it is very healthy. The best, and often longest lasting relationships are those in which both parties can effortlessly be themselves without being faced by or fearing judgement, ridicule or a pressure to change. We all know when we are being fake, it’s therefore up to us to first see why we are being fake and then decide whether or not our true self belongs in this relationship.

2. Celebration Over Comparison

I also made this point as part of another article I wrote earlier in the year entitled 9 Common Traits Of Happy People (That They Don’t Talk About), and I make it again because I feel it definitely applies in the realm of great relationships. The best relationships are those in which ego-based comparisons are cast aside and are replaced by a genuine happiness for the accomplishments of each other. Rather than putting up a face that shows your content for the other when they get their dream job or land a hot date, the best relationships are those in which you actually feel happy for them.

3. You Lift Each Other Up

Although a lot of “comfort” can be found in mutually wallowing in a particular experience (such as complaining) or behaviour (such as drinking), the most valuable relationships are those in which each individual helps the other rise from any hardship. This help can come in the form of truly listening, providing reminders or an assortment of other ways, but no matter how it comes it always does everything it can to ensure that the other person never gets caught in an ongoing unhealthy state. Even though the action of change needs to ultimately come from the person caught in it, the most valuable relationship partners remind them of, and help them find that power.

4. Differences Aren’t A Deal Breaker

Many relationships are built off of similarities and for obvious reasons. It would be much easier for me to find common ground, interests and compatibility with someone who like myself enjoyed playing sports, creating films and public speaking than it would for me to do the same with someone who enjoyed staying indoors, painting and scrap booking. Despite this common foundation, differences are inevitable to arise in even the most naturally compatible of relationships, and those that are worth keeping tend to not let those differences come between them. A great relationship is one in which time spent by one person doing what they are passionate about is truly seen as as valuable to the other person as quality time together -even if that passion is experienced with someone else.

5. The Past Is The Past

If asked to explain one of our most cherished relationships most of us would quickly resort to a number of memorable moments to help paint the picture of how close the connection really is. As awesome as reliving the past can be, the best relationships tend to be those that stay within the present moment. This is particularly helpful for overcoming any challenges the two of you may have faced at one point in time. Rather than forever holding that against them, even if just quietly in the background of a seemingly now trouble-free connection, the choice to let the past go and be in the present allows both people to more fully enjoy everything that the other has to offer.

6. No Mind Games

Particularly in the realm of romantic relationships, a lot of people love the thrill and uncertainty of trying to figure the other person out, often screwing up a number of times along the way. Despite this, the most valuable relationships tend to be ones that no longer feature any mind games. You both know who the other is, love them for being that way and able to each be yourself comfortably without the unnecessary mind chatter.

7. An Extension Of The Human Experience

As with #2, my 7th sign also appeared in my other article and for good reason. I believe that the best relationships are those in which both people see the relationship as an extension of the human experience and not the basis of their happiness. The more we rely on others to provide us fulfillment, the more we hold ourselves back from being truly independent, and ultimately the more pressure that the relationship has to operate within. It’s often when relationships are not being looked at to fill a particular void, or to make us feel a certain way, that most of the truest and most-valuable relationships are formed.

8. Knowing That It Can End At Any Time

This may sound like a particularly morbid way to end an otherwise lighthearted list, but I truly believe that the best relationships are ones in which both people recognize and are at peace with the fact that it could change, and possibly even end at any given time. This understanding, in my opinion and experience, paves the way for a freedom that ultimately makes a relationship of the deepest variety available. It’s not to say that every relationship must come to an end at some point, but this understanding gives it, and both people involved, the freedom to fully explore whatever it molds itself into.

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Even though I do not consider or promote myself to be a relationship expert of any kind I truly hope that you have enjoyed this list. Whether you agree with all 8 of the signs or not, I hope that I’ve at the very least given you some food for thought.

10 Relationship Truths Every Woman Needs To Know

By Jennifer Twardowski 

 

Society and our specific environments set us up to believe particular stereotypes and assumptions that make being ourselves, and living our lives moment to moment, quite hard. 

This can be especially true when it comes to relationships: all of us were brought up with a strong attachment to the idea of "romance" and/or "falling in love." This is perhaps especially true for women, who bear the burden of many, many stereotypes and expectations, especially when it comes to heterosexual relationships. 

But every person has their own truth, their own desires, needs and thoughts — and can nurture those things in their relationships. To do so, we need to all do some work. Here are 10 truths about relationships all women should know:

1. Nobody is going to "save" you.
Despite the message in Disney movies or our favorite romantic comedies, there is no guy out there that is going to save us. Others can help us and support us in our journey, but it is not their responsibility to "save" us from our problems nor is it anyone else's responsibility to make us happy. We ourselves are the only ones responsible for our own well-being and happiness. 

2. You're not going to "save" anyone else either.
When we see someone else struggling we may find ourselves caught up in trying to fulfill the charming "Little-Miss-Fix-It" role. We may think that it is desirable to be a caretaker — to possess the wisdom, knowledge and ability to help take another's pain away. The reality is that the only person who is able to truly "save" them is themselves. 

3. Being supportive and agreeing are two different things.
When it comes to relationships, many of us get the concepts of support and agreement confused. We think that just because someone doesn't agree with our decision or view it means that they don't support us. This is completely untrue. It is possible to disagree and still be supportive. We can uphold our opinions without being constantly validated by others. 

4. Being supportive also doesn't mean doing everything.
Just because a person doesn't meet every single need that you present doesn't mean that they don't support you, that they are somehow an inadequate partner. Similarly, you don't need to be there for your partner, or anyone else, every single time they express need or desire for support. You should feel at peace with putting your own needs first. You will not only be happier, but you will be a better partner. 

5. Believing your initial impressions can be essential.
Maya Angelou wrote, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." Yet somehow, when someone reveals something we find troublesome, we choose denial: we hope that somehow, magically, the person will change. 

This sets us up for disappointment, resentment, frustration and more. If someone is telling you or showing you something about himself or herself at the get-go, believe them. Don't delay listening to yourself and your needs because of false hope. 

6. Real love involves acceptance.
Every person undergoes an individual journey — their lives. Sometimes we may be out looking for a relationship that is deep and intimate but the people we find ourselves with aren't quite ready for that yet. We have to be willing to be honest with ourselves to find what we truly desire. Accepting our needs and desires, and accepting those of others, lends itself to healthier communication, and ultimately, healthier relationships.


7. Challenges are not a sign to leave.
In fact, challenges can be a sign to go deeper more often than not. In every relationship, there is always a point where we find ourselves in the midst of conflict. The problem, however, is that sometimes as things get more challenging and difficult we begin to question being in the relationship. We have to be willing to face the challenges in order to grow as individuals and as partners. 

8. Happiness starts with you.
Often times, a seemingly big problem in a relationship isn't necessarily about what the other person is not doing, but what you yourself are not giving. What happens in every relationship is a result of whatever you bring to the table. We have to be willing to stop and realize that everything is an exchange, and requires two sides. What are you bringing or not bringing from your side? 

9. "The One" may not be part of your journey.
Though our culture still heavily supports the idea that we will all find "The One" or our "soul mate," we have to know that it isn't necessarily realistic. Some of us in this life may very well find only one person who we spend the majority of our lives with. For others, we may find multiple people who have been very significant to us in our lives. We are all on our own unique journey. Be open, and you will figure out what works for you. 

10. No relationship is ever concrete.
Other people are like guests in our lives — some may come and go quickly and others may stay several years and then go. Either way, it is out of our control. Acceptance of ourselves is what allows for constant balance amid constant flux.

14 Ways To Create The Best Relationship Of Your Life

 

Written by: Dr. Sue Johnson 
 After 30 years of working with couples and researching how people repaired their relationships, I suddenly realized that we had really reached a pivotal moment; all our studies, stories, and the science had come together, and we were in the midst of a revolution—a new way of truly understanding romantic love. Finally we can grasp the laws of love—and they make sense!

We have cracked the code of love and have found the pathway to the relationships we long for. You can create a fulfilling, safe-haven relationship, restoring the romantic love bond, beginning now:

1. Abandon the out-of-date idea that love is something that just happens to you.

All the new science tells us that romantic love is no longer a mystery. It makes perfect sense. You can learn its laws. You have more control over this riot of emotion than you think! What you understand, you can shape. The first step is to decide to learn about love and the new science of bonding.

2. Every day, try openly reaching out to someone and asking for their attention or affection.

Accept that you are a mammal and that love is an ancient, wired-in survival code. You are happier, healthier, stronger, deal with stress better, and live longer when you foster your bonds with your loved ones. It is OK to need them; they are your greatest resource. We are not designed for self-sufficiency. The strongest among us accept this need for connection and risk reaching for others.

3. The next time you feel uncertain or worried or anxious, try just mentioning this to your partner and taking their hand, or noticing their emotional signals and reaching for their hand.

The bonds of love offer us a safe haven where we can take shelter and regain our emotional balance. The latest study in our lab shows that just holding your loved one’s hand can calm your brain and shut down fear.

4. See if you can notice some times when you find openness hard, and you become defensive or distant or shut down.

We know that emotional openness and responsiveness are the ground on which solid, lasting bonds stand. See if you can take the initiative and share with your partner, helping him/her understand what makes it hard to be open at this time.

5. Reflect on how you and your partner usually interact.

Can each of you reach out for the other? What do you do when the other gets upset or does not respond to you? Do you push for contact or move away? Tell your partner one thing they could do to help you reach for them rather than moving against or away from them.

6. Try to talk with your partner about how you impact each other.

Both of you offer safety or danger cues that our brain takes as serious survival information; we are all vulnerable when alone. When do you arouse real joy or contentment for your partner? When do you spark distress—a sense of being rejected or alone? Our brains code this kind of hurt in the same place and in the same way as physical pain.

7. When you get in a fight, take a deep breath and try to see the fight as if you’re a fly on the ceiling.

Often underneath the discussion of problem issues, someone is asking for more emotional connection. See if you can get curious and pinpoint the dance; maybe it’s the typical boogie where one pushes for contact, but the other hears criticism and steps back. See how it leaves you both feeling alone and a little scared. Talk about that.

8. Invite your partner into more closeness once a day by playing a simple empathy game.

Each person thinks of an event in their day. Then you take turns at reading each other’s face and trying to pinpoint whether you see one of the six basic emotions: joy, surprise, sadness, anger, shame/embarrassment or some kind of fear. See if your guess is right. Learning to tune in matters!

9. Take a quiet moment, tune into the emotional channel and see if you can each share with your partner what you need most.

Keep it simple and concrete. Do you need comfort, reassurance, support, and empathy, a clear message of how important you are to him/her? If it’s too hard to share this, share how hard it is to open up and ask.

10. Be mindful of the fact that emotional injuries derail relationships.

You can inflict great pain on your partner simply because you matter so much—you are the one he/she depends on. At a close moment, ask your lover if there are injuries that are unhealed, perhaps times when you missed their cues for support and connection. Try to help them with this hurt. (It doesn’t just fade with time.) Often just telling them that you can feel how they hurt and want to help them with it works wonders.

11. Know that the best recipe for great sex is safe emotional connection and open communication.

Write down a short description of what your ideal lover might do in bed and how he or she might invite you into erotic play. Give this to your partner and see what you discover about each other. Remember, criticism literally hurts and shuts down exploration and sexuality.

12. Talk about what you learned in your family about how to deal with emotions.

Emotions are the music of the dance lovers do; it helps if the music is clear. Then you can predict each other’s intentions and know how to move together in harmony. Talk about the things you learned that make it hard to listen to or share your feelings.

13. Tell each other your main goal for the next year and see if you can find one way to support each other to reach it.

It is clear that when we know someone has our back, we are more confidant and more adventurous. We achieve our goals more easily and are less derailed by disappointments.

14. Honor your connection. Create small rituals to recognize your bond.

Maybe it’s a special kind of kiss when you leave in the morning or a special 10-minute bonding time when you first come home. This is sacred time. No business agendas, problem solving or distractions in the form of small electric screens are allowed.

Take love into your own hands and hold each other tight. Read more in Dr. Sue’s Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships

9 Qualities Of People Who Are Great At Relationships

 

By Caroline Zwick 
Ever wonder how some people have amazing relationships without even really having to work for them? Well, there's more to it than just magic. In fact, it has very little to do with what they DO and much with who they let themselves BE. 

Here are 9 qualities of people who tend to have amazing relationships. The good news is that with some knowledge and effort, you can develop these traits and have a beautiful, effortless romance: 

1. They don’t let their past define them.
As long as you're worried that you could replicate your parents’ failed relationship OR never live up to your parents' perfect relationship, you won’t be free to create your own amazing bond. Regardless of what fear you have, work to release it. Start by acknowledging that it's there, and then reminding yourself that you're not doomed to any particular fate. You're the one running your life, and you have the power to create a thriving partnership. If you find yourself veering off course, you can correct that. If you've made mistakes in your past, you can learn from them. 

2. They're authentic.
People who are in deep, soulful relationships aren’t afraid to be themselves. They are not afraid of showing their edges and therefore they give their partner permission to do the same. 

3. They are confident on their own.
If you rely on your partner to make you feel confident or good enough, the relationship will be difficult to sustain. I'm not saying you can never doubt yourself (that’s impossible), but I am saying that self-doubt cannot be your default position, just as your partner’s #1 job cannot be to keep you feeling good about yourself. 

4. They try to inspire their partner, not change them.
There is a subtle difference between wanting to change someone and wanting to inspire someone to change. The difference is in the motivation: wanting to change someone serves you. Wanting to inspire someone to change for their own sake, serves you both. 

5. They can let themselves be vulnerable.
When we are vulnerable, we allow another person to see us and peek into our soul. This fosters a sense of trust that cannot be reached with a thousand words. 

6. They don’t sacrifice, they give willingly.
You can think of giving to your partner in two different ways: you're either making sacrifices for another person (which suggests that you're giving up something on your end) or you're giving generously (which suggests that you're freely giving something from a place of love to the one you love). This is a subtle yet powerful mindset switch that will help you feel fluid and light in your romance. 

7. They don’t hold grudges.
Holding a grudge basically means that you want the other person to continue to feel guilty or ashamed, which are extremely destructive emotions. Being in a relationship with someone who is in a guilty or shameful emotional state will never lead to a lasting, thriving, or trusting bond between two people. 

8. They allow their partner to be the expert on something.
There is nothing more toxic to a relationship than constant competition for who is better and who can handle more. People in great relationships can see their partner’s top qualities clearly and don’t feel the need to out-do each other all the time. The only way to celebrate your partner’s strengths is if you are aware and proud of your own strengths. (Need help finding your sweet spot? Read this.) 

9. They make their partner laugh.
Humor bonds two people together more than anything because it's a spontaneous and impulsive reaction. We're not guarded or protected when we laugh; we're allowing our true selves to show. Sharing laughter infuses a relationship with ease and playfulness. 

In the comments below, I’d love to hear from you: which of these points do you want to work on? I recommend choosing one point at a time and focusing on it for a little while.

5 Reasons Your Relationship Has Lost Its Spark

 

5 Reasons Your Relationship Has Lost Its Spark + How To Get It Back

  

By Kim Anami 

There is a common misconception that in romantic relationships, we ride an initial biochemical high, but after that’s over, we return to the realm of “normal.” Read: monotonous. 

The truth is, you can sustain tackling-you-over-the-furniture passion for a lifetime. Most people simply don’t have the skills or were never taught how that might be possible. 

Here are five reasons why the chemistry has started to fizzle, and what you can do to get it back: 

1. You aren’t being honest.
True intimacy is all about letting someone penetrate you. Emotionally. And you penetrate them right back. 

If you hold things back from your partner and spare them your deepest truth by telling white lies — or outright lies, even with the best intentions — that dishonesty mars your connection.
Radical honesty is bold. You throw your cards on the table to honor who you are and ask for what you really want. 

Ever notice how after a deep, raw, honest conversation with your partner, you can’t keep your hands off each other? Let your partner see you. All of you. Tell the truth, even if it scares you. 

2. You don’t prioritize sex.
Sexual energy is an immense power source that you can tap into to boost your physical and emotional vitality, mental clarity and spiritual well-being. It is also the glue in intimate relationships. 

When you grow sexually distant, you’ll find that your connection just doesn’t have the same warmth, spark or aliveness. You may be good buddies, but the passion isn’t there. You’ll likely find yourselves arguing more. 

Your bedroom is your sanctuary to reconnect and rejuvenate. A loving sexual connection allows you to channel your powerful, creative, orgasmic energy as fuel for your business, friendships, health and of course, your connection with your partner. 

Commit to working on your sex life the way you do any other area of your growth, such as nutrition, health or fitness. Schedule sex dates if they aren’t happening spontaneously. 

3. You don’t have enough quality time apart.
Even though you're a couple, you still need time and space to pursue those things which feed you as an individual. If you aren’t being true to yourself, you are less attractive to your partner. 

It can be easy to sacrifice your deeper needs for the sake of your relationship, but your soul food and the things that make your heart sing bring you deep fulfillment. When you are revitalized, you bring that juiciness back into your relationship. 

It’s the careful balance of closeness and distance that creates erotic tension. Play with it.

4. You buy into the idea that after two years, it’s all downhill.
That misconception claiming there's a biochemical drop-off after two years (or whatever) in relationships, only reflects one thing: This is the time when people begin to put their attention elsewhere. 

In the first two years, we put our new relationship at the top of our priority list. We nurture it. We make time for it. 

Once that feels secured, we pay less attention. We drift. But you can maintain that passion and intensity simply by deciding to. 

One couple I worked with said it best: “Sex comes first. We know it’s important, so it’s the first thing we do every day.” Since each had had relationships in which the chemistry died out over time, they have both committed to keeping their intimate life thriving.
So guess what? It is. 

5. You’ve stopped growing.
People often say that they can’t imagine being married to the same person for the rest of their lives, but if you and your partner are constantly growing and learning, you are different people all the time. So you aren’t married to the same person for 30 years. 

However, if you're committed to stagnation and no evolution in your life, then you’ll definitely be married to the same person. 

You can recreate the thrill of the new all the time. As you both grow and unfold, learning new things about yourselves, you’re getting to know your partner on new levels too. This keeps you endlessly fascinated with the ever-evolving person in front of you. 

The bottom line is that you get to design your relationship. It’s entirely possible to be with someone for decades and still have smoldering passion!
How do you want your relationship to look? What are you willing to do to get it there?

10 Habits of Happy Couples

Psychology Today / By Mark Goulston

What does it take to be happy in a relationship? If you’re working to improve your  marriage, here are the 10 habits of happy couples. 

1. Go to bed at the same time
Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn’t wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps. And when their skins touch it still causes each of them to tingle unless one or both are too completely exhausted to feel sexually excited. 

2. Cultivate common interests
After the passion settles down, it’s common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don’t minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent. 

3. Walk hand in hand or side by side
Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it’s more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way. 

4. Make trust and  forgiveness your default mode
If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can’t resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging. 

5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong
If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive. 

6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work
Our skin has a  memory of “good touch” (loved), “bad touch” (abused) and “no touch” (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the “good touch,” which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world. 

7. Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning
This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances. 

8. Say “Good night” every night, regardless of how you feel
This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident. 

9. Do a “weather” check during the day
Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you’re more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you. 

10. Be proud to be seen with your partner
Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact — hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.

3 Romantic Relationship Downfalls

The 3 Biggest Downfalls Of Romantic Relationships & How To Avoid Them

 
By Ally Hamilton

We have some crazy ideas about romantic love in our culture. Wanting to feel seen, heard and understood by at least one person in this world is a natural and beautiful longing. Connection is really where it's at, and of course that doesn't have to happen in the context of romantic partnership. Nonetheless, that seems to be the quest of many, and also the place where people tend to tap into their most raw and vulnerable places. 

And for those who believe the story ends and the happily-ever-after begins once that special someone is found, reality can be a rude awakening. The beginning of the story is almost always beautiful, heady and exciting, just like it looks in the movies. But when the hormones die down and the dust clears, it's really easy to get derailed and crash into a brick wall, wondering what happened to your fairy tale. The fairy tale takes nurturing and effort. 

Here are some ideas to keep your romance alive and your connection deep, whether your relationship is new, or you've been with your partner for years: 
 
1. You can't save people, but you can love them.
Nowhere is a person's "stuff" more likely to show up than in an intimate relationship. Closeness requires vulnerability, and for some people, tearing down those walls can be very scary. Protecting your heart may be something you've needed to do, but if you want someone to really know you, you're going to have to stand there, naked. With all your beauty and all your pain. 

Because if you edit stuff out, or push things down, you'll understand in your heart your partner doesn't really know you. If you want to be seen, you have to be willing to show yourself. And in order to create something healthy with someone else, you really need to know yourself, too. 

Otherwise how can you articulate what's true for you? What lights you up, or scares you, what you need or want in your heart of hearts? And how can you be accountable when your stuff comes up, which it will? 

The ability to recognize what is yours is vital so you can apologize when you need to, so you can explain yourself clearly, so you can work on those areas that may be holding you back, that's one of the huge gifts of relationship. That's the path to true intimacy. 

You can't save anyone, but you can create a safe space together to work on becoming your best selves if you're willing to make the space between you sacred and full of love, patience and forgiveness. 

2. Everyone is changing all the time, so there's never a reason to get bored.
Did you know one in three traffic accidents happen a mile from a person's house? You could argue that this is because people drive around their own neighborhoods more than anywhere else, but many studies that suggest a person feels a false sense of security in their own 'hood. 

Many people do this in relationships. I know this person, I've been with them for years, so I don't really need to sit up and take notice. 
 
Here's the thing: Your partner is changing all the time, just as you are. You are not the same you you were five years ago, one year ago, or even last week, and neither is your partner. 

Do you remember how you felt when you met your love? I'm sure you thought they were amazing. Special, kind. You probably noticed things like their hands or their smile or the way they looked at you. It's so easy to stop noticing. 

I have a blog and I also stream yoga videos online, and as a result, I get countless emails from people who write in complaining about their partners. If only they'd change, everything would be wonderful. 
 
Really? Because it's easy to focus on someone's faults, just like it's easy to focus on our own. 

You can't change your partner, but you can change what you're doing. Are you taking them for granted? Could you do something thoughtful and unexpected today, just because? That's a tangible way you can shift the energy between you, and you might inspire your partner to surprise you in unexpected ways. 

3. Listen with your heart.
Infatuation is easy, intimacy is hard. In the middle of a disagreement, so many people wait for their turn to speak, instead of really listening to their partner. Years of history can bubble to the surface in an instant. 

The need to be right can be deafening and blinding, and sometimes people dig their heels in so deeply there's no hope for honest communication. As if it's a fight, and their partner is their opponent, and the object is to win. 

But a relationship is not a game, and there are no winners when you and the person you love are in pain. You protect your ego, or you protect the relationship. If you want to truly love, that requires your vulnerability, and it takes guts to be naked like that. 

So many people confuse love with control and manipulation. But love is about acceptance and a celebration. That doesn't mean there won't be things to work on, because of course there will. It just means that you see people as they are, and you accept them and celebrate them, while also loving yourself.
If you keep nurturing a real connection, doing those things simultaneously, that is, loving your partner and also making sure you're honoring yourself will be natural. 

There's so much beauty in true partnership, but it takes effort. For whatever reason, that part doesn't get covered in the fairy tales or the romantic comedies.

10 Tips For a Successful Relationship

Ask Teal Website - http://www.askteal.com
Relationships are the real heart of expansion... Which means they are the most contrasting experiences we have in our human lives. They are the source of our greatest joy and the source of our greatest misery.

Relationships create the means for our personal evolution. And so in order to have successful relationships, we need to learn how to flow with the current of that change. We need to learn how to cultivate harmony while allowing that change within us to take place.

Talk about difficult. It is the work of several lifetimes. Unconditional love is an exchangeable term with enlightenment. And so it is a thing we will be practicing for the rest of our lives. Some days you'll have an easier time with it than others.

In this episode Teal shares ten tips, which will help us to have successful, enjoyable relationships.

Feed people you are in a relationship love every day...
Attention- find time each day to give them a bit of your undivided attention
Affection- find time each day to show them a little bit of affection
Appreciation- find time each day to give them verbal gratitude or verbal validation

These 3 As are ways to feed a relationship a bit of love each day
If this doesn't come naturally, set an alarm at a random interval and choose one to act upon, send a loving text, bring home a gift, give a hug etc.

Humans have 5 basic ways in which they express love to each other:
Words of Affirmation
Physical touch
Acts of Service
Quality time
Gifts

When in a relationship with someone, either romantic of friendship, you need to learn to speak the love language of the person.  We all come in with a primare love language, the strongest way we give and receive love (acknowldege love being received).  

So to be in a happy relationship, find out what that primary love language is of the person and meet that love language, learn how to speak it.  This way you can better aknowledge when they are showing you love.  Also it's ok to ask them to show you love in the way you best speak the language of love.  Example, if you feel loved when someone confides in you once in awhile letting you know how they're doing, to meet that need for them text them now and then to let them know how your day is going.  This only strengthens a relationship.

It's important to know the love language spoken in a relationship, on both sides, because you may be trying to speak the language of love you speak and it may go unnoticed by the other person and vise versa, and there is a disconnect.