Relationships are a
beautiful part of life. Whether they are romantic or just friendly,
connecting with another human being is undoubtedly one of the best
experiences that life has to offer. Within relationships, as is the case
with so many other things in life, change is inevitable. I doubt that
there are very many of us, if any, that have maintained the exact same
partner and/or core group of friends throughout the vast majority of our
lives.
Despite the seemingly natural turnover,
what is it about certain relationships that makes them outlast many
others? I’ve come up with 8 signs that I think are a great signal that a
particular relationship is worth keeping, but be sure to pay attention
to the last one I mention, since it alone can override all of the other
points, and in my opinion it’s the most important.
1. You Are Truly Yourself
There are many people that find a lot of
value in the idea of compromise, but when it comes to giving up
elements of yourself to please or maintain a relationship I personally
don’t feel that it is very healthy. The best, and often longest lasting
relationships are those in which both parties can effortlessly be
themselves without being faced by or fearing judgement, ridicule or a
pressure to change. We all know when we are being fake, it’s therefore
up to us to first see why we are being fake and then decide whether or
not our true self belongs in this relationship.
2. Celebration Over Comparison
I also made this point as part of another article I wrote earlier in the year entitled 9 Common Traits Of Happy People (That They Don’t Talk About),
and I make it again because I feel it definitely applies in the realm
of great relationships. The best relationships are those in which
ego-based comparisons are cast aside and are replaced by a genuine
happiness for the accomplishments of each other. Rather than putting up a
face that shows your content for the other when they get their dream
job or land a hot date, the best relationships are those in which you
actually feel happy for them.
3. You Lift Each Other Up
Although a lot of “comfort” can be found
in mutually wallowing in a particular experience (such as complaining)
or behaviour (such as drinking), the most valuable relationships are
those in which each individual helps the other rise from any hardship.
This help can come in the form of truly listening, providing reminders
or an assortment of other ways, but no matter how it comes it always
does everything it can to ensure that the other person never gets caught
in an ongoing unhealthy state. Even though the action of change needs
to ultimately come from the person caught in it, the most valuable
relationship partners remind them of, and help them find that power.
4. Differences Aren’t A Deal Breaker
Many relationships are built off of
similarities and for obvious reasons. It would be much easier for me to
find common ground, interests and compatibility with someone who like
myself enjoyed playing sports, creating films and public speaking than
it would for me to do the same with someone who enjoyed staying indoors,
painting and scrap booking. Despite this common foundation, differences
are inevitable to arise in even the most naturally compatible of
relationships, and those that are worth keeping tend to not let those
differences come between them. A great relationship is one in which time
spent by one person doing what they are passionate about is truly seen
as as valuable to the other person as quality time together -even if
that passion is experienced with someone else.
5. The Past Is The Past
If asked to explain one of our most
cherished relationships most of us would quickly resort to a number of
memorable moments to help paint the picture of how close the connection
really is. As awesome as reliving the past can be, the best
relationships tend to be those that stay within the present moment. This
is particularly helpful for overcoming any challenges the two of you
may have faced at one point in time. Rather than forever holding that
against them, even if just quietly in the background of a seemingly now
trouble-free connection, the choice to let the past go and be in the
present allows both people to more fully enjoy everything that the other
has to offer.
6. No Mind Games
Particularly in the realm of romantic
relationships, a lot of people love the thrill and uncertainty of trying
to figure the other person out, often screwing up a number of times
along the way. Despite this, the most valuable relationships tend to be
ones that no longer feature any mind games. You both know who the other
is, love them for being that way and able to each be yourself
comfortably without the unnecessary mind chatter.
7. An Extension Of The Human Experience
As with #2, my 7th sign also appeared in my other article
and for good reason. I believe that the best relationships are those in
which both people see the relationship as an extension of the human
experience and not the basis of their happiness. The more we rely on
others to provide us fulfillment, the more we hold ourselves back from
being truly independent, and ultimately the more pressure that the
relationship has to operate within. It’s often when relationships are
not being looked at to fill a particular void, or to make us feel a
certain way, that most of the truest and most-valuable relationships are
formed.
8. Knowing That It Can End At Any Time
This may sound like a particularly
morbid way to end an otherwise lighthearted list, but I truly believe
that the best relationships are ones in which both people recognize and
are at peace with the fact that it could change, and possibly even end
at any given time. This understanding, in my opinion and experience,
paves the way for a freedom that ultimately makes a relationship of the
deepest variety available. It’s not to say that every relationship must
come to an end at some point, but this understanding gives it, and both
people involved, the freedom to fully explore whatever it molds itself
into.
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Even though I do not consider or promote
myself to be a relationship expert of any kind I truly hope that you
have enjoyed this list. Whether you agree with all 8 of the signs or
not, I hope that I’ve at the very least given you some food for thought.